First up is Patrick Harvie. He’s not very happy with the Dear Green Place’s… uhmm… Greenness.

Motion S4M-01856.1: Patrick Harvie, Glasgow, Scottish Green Party, Date Lodged: 31/01/2012

Glasgow’s Bid to Become First European Green Capital in the UK

As an amendment to motion S4M-01856 in the name of Drew Smith (Glasgow’s Bid to Become First European Green Capital in the UK), leave out from “a boost” to end and insert “a bizarre outcome for a city with persistent and severe problems of air pollution, congestion, low recycling rates, poor quality public transport and degraded public space, and in which local government policies have continually failed to address these problems, and calls on Glasgow City Council to focus on transformation of its own track record on environmental action instead of what is considered wasting its time on attempting to win undeserved recognition for its limited efforts to date.”

Fair enough. Like Edinburgh, Glasgow has pretty appalling air pollution, Union St’s a horror show and he’s calling them on it. A clear, concise and unambiguous motion directly addressing an important issue. A (recycled) Gold star.

That wasn’t the only motion concerning Glasgow this week. Sadly, this second one isn’t as good. Or good. Or in possession of any redeeming feature what so ever.

Motion S4M-01921: Liam McArthur, Orkney Islands, Scottish Liberal Democrats, Date Lodged: 02/02/2012

Hands off Groundskeeper Willie 

That the Parliament notes that it has been confirmed that Groundskeeper Willie of The Simpsons fame hails from Kirkwall, Orkney; understands that the revelation is made in an episode entitled The Daughter Also Rises, to be broadcast in America on 12 February 2012, where Willie confides in Bart that his father was a ‘doonie’ and his mother was an ‘uppie’, in reference to the two teams in the world-famous ‘Ba game’; understands how the tension created by this modern day version of Capulets and Montagues tore his family apart but welcomes the fact that the long-running debate over Willie’s heritage is now at an end, and calls on Glasgow City Council to renounce its claim to Orkney’s Groundskeeper Willie as a son of that fair city.

Sweet mercy. This is what our Parliament has come to? Celebrating the birth place of a fictional character? The funny yellowy party that isn’t as popular as it used to be commenting on a funny yellow skinned character in a show that isn’t as popular as it used to be? Write out “I must not submit pointless motions about fictional characters to Parliament” a hundred times and don’t do it again.