So week two and frankly, our riches were embarrassed. To pick out just one proved impossible. Too many contenders, far too little time and space to do them all justice.

But trawling through the list of current motions prompted a few observations. It’s all a bit formulaic no? And there is a definite need to refresh the system and its purpose.

There are what can only be termed the micro-motions – wee, timrous, cowrin’ beasties. Where MSPs line up to outdo each other in the hyper-local and this week they seem to be concentrated in Lanarkshire, for some inexplicable reason. So, Cumbernauld BMX club got a nice wee grant from the lottery fund – thanks for sharing that with us Jamie Hepburn MSP; ditto Plains Community Futures for some “planned events”, Archibald Kelly Court Residents Committee in East Kilbride got some lottery dosh for “film nights”, Gill Park Residents and Tenants Association got theirs for a playpark and 1st East Kilbride scout group got a grant to renovate its hall. All worthy of fulsome praise from SNP Central Scotland list MSP Richard Lyle, who finished the latter motion with a flourish: “hopes that the central heating system makes the Scottish winters more bearable”. Gosh.

And then there are the charity touts. Where Parliament will inevitably congratulate, note, recognise, hope, admire and welcome but never, ever ask for something to be done. Redefining anodyne beyond our wildest dreams. Oh we know these are all good, important causes that deserve recognition but there appears to be a textbook template for drafting them that turn them into a snoresfest. Thus, this wee gem from Kezia Dugdale MSP makes Amnesty International, one of the world’s feistiest, bravest and more essential organisations, seem like a knitting bee:

Motion S4M-00627 – Kezia Dugdale ( Lothian ) ( Scottish Labour ) : Standing Up for Freedom

That the Parliament congratulates Amnesty International on what it considers its excellent programme of work at the 2011 Edinburgh Festival; believes that events such as Stand Up For Freedom, the Comics versus Critics football match, Amnesty’s imprisoned writers series and the Amnesty International Freedom of Expression Award, which this year has received a record number of entries, are excellent means of celebrating and promoting freedom of expression, and further congratulates Amnesty on 50 years of relentlessly campaigning for human rights across the world and never letting legislators or governments forget that human rights are important and should be enjoyed by all by virtue of their common humanity.

Campaigning charities exist because they want to right wrongs, and to change the world, or at least their part of it. Often they are radical and fearless and work with the sort of people, the rest of us cross the street to avoid. Scotland is pretty good at the charitable thang – we have lots of voluntary organisations doing great things and folk dig deep to support them. They deserve better from our elected tribunes and actually as well as warm words, most would also welcome a little call to action. Even a teeny weeny one. Once in a while.

Then there are the milestone motions, that mark an anniversary of some kind. Current and recent motions in this vein include one wishing the NHS a happy 63rd birthday, the 25th anniversary of East Kilbride Yamakai Karate club, the 25th anniversary of Burngreen Peace Garden in Kilsyth, and 45 years of East Kilbride and District Engineering Training Association. But our favourite is this one:

S4M-00581 Mark McDonald: Aberdeen University Shinty Club 150th Anniversary—That the Parliament congratulates Aberdeen University Shinty Club on celebrating its one hundred and fiftieth anniversary; notes that the club is recognised as shinty’s oldest constituted club; welcomes the decision by the Camanachd Association to hold the final of the 2011 Aberdein Considine Sutherland cup final between Kingussie and Kyles Athletic at King’s College pitches at the University of Aberdeen as part of the celebrations; further welcomes the outreach work by the Camanachd Association in Aberdeen and Aberdeenshire schools to encourage more young people to take up the sport and hopes that this work will boost the profile of shinty across Scotland; congratulates Kingussie on its 6-1 victory; further notes that past and present players attended a celebration ceilidh and participated in the city of Aberdeen’s Tartan Day parade; also notes that a book celebrating the club’s history, Keeping the Camanachd Flag Flying: 150 Years of Aberdeen University Camanachd, compiled by Steven MacKenzie, has been published with all proceeds going to the club, and wishes Aberdeen University Shinty Club a long and successful competitive future.

Of course, motions that are hyper-local, have a charitable bent AND mark a milestone are the high watermark of achievement – look out for ones in future editions of Worst Motion of the Week…

Finally we have piping wars. No we are not making this up. Last week, we had Colin Keir, SNP MSP for Edinburgh Western, celebrating the return of the Edinburgh Pipe Band championships and Derek MacKay, another of the newsbies, marking similar in Paisley. This week, we have this from Marco Biagi MSP about bagpipes on the Royal Mile:

“Motion S4M-00612 –
That the Parliament welcomes the agreement between the City of
Edinburgh Council and Royal Mile traders to ensure that the volume of
bagpipe music played by retailers does not exceed irresponsible levels
from August 2011; recognises the importance of residents, traders and
tourists all being able to carry out their daily activities in a
respectful environment; believes that this action will reflect well on
the Royal Mile’s status as part of a World Heritage Site, and would
welcome greater variety overall in the commercial offerings on the
Royal Mile so that Edinburgh’s medieval heart continues to thrive.

while Stuart McDonald MSP for the West of Scotland proclaims the World’s Biggest Week of Piping:

“That the Parliament welcomes what is considered to be the world’s biggest week of traditional music, held between 8 and 14 August 2011 in Glasgow; notes that tens of thousands of traditional music fans and 8,000 pipers, drummers and performers will descend on the city for Piping Live!, Glasgow’s International Piping Festival and the World Pipe Band Championships; further notes that the World Pipe Band Championships or ‘the Worlds’ have predominantly been held in Glasgow for around 70 years while Piping Live! is entering its 8th year and has established itself as one of the world’s top celebrations of Scottish culture, showcasing a diverse blend of traditional music; acknowledges the importance of these cultural events, and wishes the festival and all participants the very best.”

One man’s peace is clearly another man’s pipe.